EllyRox

Welp. Let’s go to the scoreboard Cotton –

02/08/2020: Booked Wedding Venue
02/12/2020: Changed therapists (old one threw a tantrum.)
02/17/2020: Abdominal Ultrasound (Bonus panic attack on the table.)
03/02/2020 :(Mystery sick for 1.5 years) Oncology appt (Cancer free.)
03/01/2020: Tarot Class with Bonny
03/05/2020: Start streaming with Stamps and Jacob, try to keep TOS.
03/10/2020: First confirmed case of COVID in Philly
03/23/2020: Cancel a ct scan / Xray that I really needed because COVID.
04/04/2020: 5 year anniversary with Joe.
04/08/2020: Fiance’s mom gets COVID. A week after my dad’s best friend.
04/18/2020: My younger cousin (26) dies.
04/19/2020: Grandfather has pleurisy.
05/08/2020: Former friend tries to drag me into a very public meltdown.
05/09/2020 -Present: Dealing with random DM’s and the fallout from that.
05/13/2020: Uncle is given 2 months to live.
05/16/2020: Find out a close friend’s health issues are deadly.
05/20/2020: Father has a heart attack, can’t visit ICU because COVID.
05/22/2020: Dad is home and mending (Holy shit. Thank bob.)
05/24/2020: Uncle is given 2 weeks to live.
05/26/2020: Uncle is given days to live.
05/27/2020: Give myself a chemical burn breaching my roots.
06/05/2020: Fiance having MAJOR reconstructive foot surgery.

+ 20 to existential crisis / dread
+ 20 to depression
+ 20 to anxiety
– 60 to resources
r100 for pain/exhaustion/nausea.

Memento mori is either a blessing or a curse. Some of the dates might be slightly incorrect, you’ll have to forgive me as the construct of time is starting to lose all meaning.

I’m still here. Lost, frustrated, in pain, stressed and worried, about myself – I’ve lost 100lbs this year, unintentionally (not to say it’s not on balance a good thing, just, not having answers to health problems is unsettling to say the least.)

Worrying about everyone else, about the repercussions of what is happening in the world right now.

There are good days, there are, but the bad days are bad-er than Sam Jackson and it’s overwhelming. At least the dispensary delivers now. Silver linings. Even then…

I do have support and a safety net. There are people who listen to me bitch about all of this, some are friends, some are family, some I pay by the hour. Sometimes just getting it out is comfort.